Anticipate and embrace

Today, I had an epiphany and set a promise to myself. The next 5 months will be the last do-nothing break I’d have till I accomplish something great, and unexpected. When term starts, I will strive to do my best academically and psychologically. This may just sound like another shot of me procrastinating – deciding to make a change another time since I can actually make a difference now. But really, I’m just giving myself the time to reflect and prepare myself for whatever that’s coming in my way in the next couple of years. 

The road ahead is definitely not going to be as smoothly pathed. I don’t want to make it sound dramatic as it may not be as interesting or treacherous as I may make it sound. But it’s definitely going to be a change. Good or bad, i’m not sure but i’m hoping it’d be the former. 

Ever since I made the decision to continue my studies in England, I have lost count of the number of times I berated myself for making a decision that would lengthen my education years. But then again, education is a life long process as many would say. 

Comparing myself to a few of my acquaintances who similarly had the opportunity to study overseas, I find myself still at the starting line. While some of them are already on their way to their second year of Uni, I’m just about to restart my pre-U in Jan. And by the time I start Uni, they’d be 2 years ahead, on their way to their third year. 

If I hadn’t gone to JC, and went to UK straight, I would be at the same level as them – proceeding to Year 2 in Uni. If I went to JC, and went to UK after my first year, I would be at least going into Uni next month. And if I stayed to complete A Levels, considering that I don’t retain, I would be studying and prepping for my Prelims and A Levels, heading for Uni next Sept. 

There are many ifs that I can think of but I’m thankful for the constant encouragement from my mum who so often told me that, there’s no need to rush to getting a degree. One can obtain a degree almost anytime if given the opportunity and desire. What’s crucial is seeing exactly what you want instead of diving right into something that is supposedly what you desire, then realising that you have been misled and blinded by recklessness. 

It’s common, almost a cliché to hear someone say, “I want to be successful in the future.” Or “I want to make a change.” But truth is, I really do want to be successful. I want to be up the corporate ladder. To be someone with power. Almost like Jessica Pearson of the Suits series (if any of you watches it). 

Life often turn out the way we least expect it to. It is full of surprises at the wrong time. The best we can do is to embrace it, and the worst is to indulge in some cathartic process, heal and then embrace it. 


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