(Ps. Messy and a long post without much planning ahead!)
I think I’ve really grown accustomed to being surrounded by skyscrapers and feeling perfectly alright being alone. Being alone, isn’t lonely. Everyone has to have some alone time once in awhile. But as “no man is an island,” it isn’t healthy to close up the world around you, and live alone. Which I feel, may be a phase I’m going through. Being around people and interacting with them has been quite a chore for me recently, honestly. I really enjoy being alone which is definitely not something I thought I’d appreciate two years ago.
Recently, I have been walking round some neighbourhoods alone, taking pictures and I find the “adventure” so therapeutic. Most of the times, these are spontaneous and just so happen, on these days, I wouldn’t have my portable charger on me and my phone’s battery would be draining (like right now).
I’m currently writing up this post at I’m not quite sure where in the CBD area, but I just found a bench to sit on to take a break from all the walking.
Despite all the hustling and crowd in the CBD area, I really enjoy it. I enjoy watching cars drive pass and people walking by. I enjoy taking pictures along the way (then editing them on vsco 🙃).
Today, I think the main reason I decided to write up a post was because I realised, the people closest to you may not even know who you are and sometimes, even we ourselves, don’t know who we are. Everybody is trying to figure out who they are. But sometimes, expectations fall short and we get disappointed. Being easy-going, light-hearted is my outward personality. What I don’t show and tell, are my guilts, anxieties, insecurities, which is definitely not something I’d expect distant friends and relatives to know, but something I wish the people closer to me would know.
As noble or altruistic I may make myself sound, but I realised I’ve always been the one consoling and asking people how their handling the ups and downs (mostly) in their life and no one actually has asked me that. “How are you coping?” Is honestly, in my opinion, one of the most under used sentence. People fail to ask that question because they are afraid of the responsibilities and liabilities they may have to carry after they know. But most of the time, it’s what people need – someone to ask how they feel, and simply, a listening ear if needed.
It’s understandable if that person you ask isn’t willing or comfortable with talking about it because at least you know you tried to help and maybe, they can find solutions and their own channel to express their feelings.
Personally, there’s only a few that I’d open up my feelings to. I think to many, I appear very strong on the outside, but I’m not actually that, inside. However, that’s just how the society need you to be. Be strong, fit in or get out if you’re weak.
I’m starting to worry because I realised I have a lot of anxieties inside me that not even I know about. And the only reason why I think I might have them is due to all the recurring dreams that I’ve been having. Dreams show you your subconscious. I don’t usually remember them, but if you’ve been having them almost every night, it’s hard to forget them huh? Some may call me superstitious or naive for believing in dreams but that’s just beliefs that some may believe in and some may not. Just like how some believe in horoscopes, Myers Brigg personality, zodiac signs and some find it ridiculous.
But I choose to believe that whatever will be, will be and we’ve just got to go with the flow and see where that leads us.
It’s gonna rain, and I don’t have an umbrella, so I guess I gotta end the post here to run!